Cheesy Spaghetti Squash Bake
I can’t believe it’s been 6 months since I’ve posted on here. It’s been a crazy last 6 months both personally and globally. In January and February I poured all my energy into applying for postdocs. I got three postdoc offers in Chicago, accepted one with the intention of going back for a year with Frankie while Nate stayed behind in his current job. Crazy, I know. So crazy I ended up turning it down 12 hours later, doing lots of public sobbing on the lightrail, hating on my husband, and accepting that fact that I just needed to take a life pause to reevaluate things after internship ends.
My training director talks about how life is suffering (isn’t that true) but we can take our power back by choosing our suffering. So I made the intentional choice to try to reinvest hard in enjoying my time with my little family and take a pause on obsessing about future plans.
Three weeks later the pandemic hit in Washington and I found myself working from home and finally able to (physically) escape an internship I was really hating while spending more time with my girl whose daycare was closed for months. It was wonderful and hard and stressful and overwhelming.
In April I defended my dissertation, something that felt completely surreal and a benchmark I honestly didn’t know if I’d make it to only a couple months earlier. Then as the Spring crept on the idea of not having work lined up made me nervous. I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and I love spending time with her, but I don’t think I’d be happy being a stay at home mom indefinitely.
So here we are 6 months later. I have 4 weeks left of internship and I’ll officially be Dr. Nicole. So anticlimactic because graduation two weeks ago was cancelled. This fucking year, man. I’m interviewing for private practice positions and attempting to start studying for the EPPP to take this Fall. Oh and we’re moving to a better neighborhood in two weeks.
There were several months this past winter when as hard as I tried I could’t imagine a future. So being here now sort of feels like the world ended last winter and we’ve been living in this post-apocalyptic world. The pandemic has blurred time in such a weird way.
Anyway, I’ve done a lot of cooking the past few months. So much sourdough bread, so many $300 trader joes grocery runs. This has become one of my favorites, I love it for it’s simplicity. And Frankie loves it too. And considering she basically lives off of berries and milk, I consider this a huge win.
Hang in there friends. Take care of each other. Wear a mask. Address your internalized racism. Prioritize your mental health.
Serves 6-8
1 medium spaghetti squash (around 3 pounds)
1 yellow onion, thinly sliced
6 oz mushrooms, torn (I used a mixed medley but any kind works)
1 small bunch of kale, thinly sliced (spinach or chard work here too)
25oz jar of your favorite red pasta sauce
1 can of cannelini beans
10 oz mozzerella, sliced
parmesan cheese
fresh basil for topping
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Slice your squash in half lengthwise and scoop out the seeds. Drizzle the flesh side with oil and season with salt and pepper. Bake the squash flesh side down on a sheet pan with parchment for about 45 minutes until a fork pierces through easily. Set aside. (Note: this step can be done well in advance if you’d like.)
Turn your broiler on high and let it heat up while you prepare the filling. In a large sauté pan heat a generous glug of olive oil over medium heat. Add the onion and a generous sprinkle of salt & pepper and cook until softened about 5-7 minutes, add the mushrooms cook. Just before the mushrooms are done cooking add in your greens and cook until just softened. Scoop out the flesh of the spaghetti squash and add it to hot pan with the vegetables. Pour in the pasta sauce and beans and stir everything together to incorporate. Cook the entire mixture until warmed throughout. Add salt and pepper to taste.
Pour the spaghetti squash mixture into a large oven proof casserole dish and top with thick slices of mozzarella cheese, sprinkle with parmesan and drizzle of olive oil. Place the casserole dish uncovered in the upper third of your oven under the broiler for 4-6 minutes. Watch closely so the cheese doesn’t burn. You want the cheese melted, bubbly, and just beginning to brown. Remove from oven, top with fresh basil, and serve.
Honeycrisp Apple Butter
Nate and I have been canning apple butter for years. We’ve always used this old recipe from chow hound but have adapted it over the years as our own. I love the simplicity of it - throw everything in a giant dutch oven and cook it until it’s thick (sometimes over multiple days if you work full-time and are never home for that many hours at once).
Speaking of working full time. My God. This 8:30-5 Monday - Friday with a infant thing is maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Second to writing a dissertation, which I have a least 1 meltdown about on a weekly basis. Wtf was I thinking. Did you all see the Meghan Markle interview about not being okay? I feel her, so much.
We moved to Seattle over 4 months ago and I feel less settled today than the day we moved. Between navigating pregnancy, internship interviews, match, the closure of my doctoral program and collective hysteria that came with it, birth, and then uprooting our lives with a 7 week old to move to a city I’ve never been to for an internship where I’d be doing clinical work full-time for the first time was too ambitious. I mean on paper we did it. We’re alive. Frankie is alive and thriving. But it came at a high cost that leaves me an emotional puddle most days of the week. I have a lot of counter-transference with my depressed clients. In a weird way sitting with suicidal clients helps deflect from my own feelings of loss and sadness.
I’m grateful for this space. Because my work often feels so heavy, and complex (though also very meaningful), it feels refreshing to be able to just follow a list of instructions and ingredients on a page and have them come together as the recipe intends. The input almost always = the output in food. The rest of my life does not feel that way. It’s messy and complicated and heavy. So heavy lately.
But you’re here for the apple butter, so I should probably stay focused! It takes a long time to cook up, but once it’s done the flavor is complex and comforting and perfect on whole wheat toast with butter after dinner when you’re still hungry for a little something sweet. We store it in canned mason jars under our bed and reach for it whenever we get invited to a party or need a small but special last minute gift. A jar goes a long way, and it seems to capture the elegance of Fall, (my favorite season) in a jar.
Also, I’ve been relying on those simple joys, like canning apple butter, to get me through the darkness (both internally and externally - ughh daylight savings time!) lately. But seriously, late October through the dreaded December 21 darkest day of the year are usually SO HARD for me. And Seattle is so far north. I’ve already busted out the happy lamp. Other simple joys: expanding my houseplant collection, buying Frankie all the Christmas the Zara & H&M baby clothes, meal planning our first Thanksgiving as a family of 3, ordering her stocking and designing Christmas cards. Also fantasizing about the sabbatical I want to take where I lay on the floor and play with Frankie and bake all day when internship is over. The end! Happy Fall, friends.
Makes about 7 half-pint jars
8 pounds honeycrisp apples, peeled, cored, and sliced
3.5 cups apple cider
1 cup dark brown sugar
1 cup maple syrup
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon salt
4 teaspoons vanilla
Combine all the ingredients in a large dutch oven and stir so the spices evenly coat the apples. Bring the mixture to a boil and reduce to a simmer. Continue to simmer, uncovered for about 30 minutes until the apples are soft.
Puree the mixture with an immersion blender (or transfer to a regular blender) until completely smooth.
Return to heat and simmer, with the lid cracked to allow steam to realize but to prevent splatter, for 6-8 hours. You’ll know you’re done when the color is dark and the apple butter is thick and significantly reduced.
When ready to can follow the steps here.
Chilaquiles with Chipotle Salsa, Soft Scrambled Eggs & Refried Beans
These chilaquiles are literally all of my favorite foods stirred up in one dish, topped with cheese and broiled until golden. Soft scrambled eggs, refried beans, homemade salsa, and avocado. Comfort food at its finest. These are based off the chilaquiles at my favorite diner in Chicago. I've been maybe 6 times and have never ordered anything but the chilaquiles because I am a creature of habit and I know what's good. I've been attempting to recreate them basically since I ate them for the first time last Spring. And now here they are!
I don't know how authentic they actually are- usually the beans are served on the side and the eggs are fried on top but these are my version - everything all mixed together in a big sloppy delicious mess. I also love the simplicity of baking it all together in a big casserole dish and then eating it (for literally breakfast, lunch or dinner) throughout the week. It reheats beautifully and feels fresh when it's topped with avocado and cilantro!
Serves 8
2 cups chipotle salsa
12 corn tortillas
2 tablespoons grapeseed oil
10 large eggs
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 can vegetarian refried beans
4 oz can mild green chiles
1 cup shredded monterey jack cheese (or any cheese of your choice)
avocado & fresh cilantro for serving
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees and line 2 sheet pans with parchment paper. Stack a couple tortillas at a time, then slice them (like you would a pizza) into 8 slices roughly the size of tortillas chips. Divide the tortilla "chips" among the sheet pans and drizzle with grapeseed oil. Using a pastry brush, smear the oil evenly over the tortillas (no need to do both sides) then top liberally with salt and bake for 12-15 minutes until golden brown - they will crisp up as they cool.
Crack the eggs into a large saucepan over medium heat. Using a rubber spatula, stir the eggs constantly preventing them from sticking to the bottom of the pan. Keep stirring until they look scrambled and creamy (here's a play-by-play with photos if it's unclear). Once the eggs are creamy and just barely cooked add the salt, salsa, refried beans, and chiles and stir over medium-low heat for about 5 minutes until bubbly and heated through. Add the tortilla chips to the mixture and stir until just combined. Pour the contents into a large casserole dish.
Turn the broiler to high. Top the mixture with shredded cheese, then place under the broiler for 3-6 minutes until the cheese bubbles and browns (watch carefully!)
To serve top with fresh avocado and cilantro!